We’re Asking for (and Getting) What We Want
Welcome to the vibrant world of Women at Work! I’m thrilled to have you here with me, Amy Gallo, as we embark on an exciting journey into the realm of workplace aspirations.
Let’s dive into this: What’s bubbling up on your work wish list? Are you dreaming of attending a mind-opening conference or launching into transformative training? Are you chasing after that much-coveted performance rating, a salary boost, or a shiny new title? Perhaps there’s a game-changing project you yearn to lead, or maybe you’re hoping for a simple deadline extension. Yet, how many times have you held back from asking someone—your boss, a colleague—out of fear of hearing a “no”?
Here’s the kicker, though: as some experts have pointed out, we often underestimate just how likely people are to say “yes.” In fact, a recent discussion revealed that women should embrace both warmth and assertiveness to not just garner respect, but to elevate their professional standing and achieve their goals.
You see, the warmth factor typically feels natural—building authentic relationships, understanding others’ priorities, lending a hand when needs arise. But what about standing up for ourselves? That can be tricky. Yet, it’s possible to turn this into a habit! One intriguing exercise involves “collecting nos.” Imagine this: Task yourself with making ten different requests to ten different people. The key isn’t to get those yeses but to secure ten nos. And trust me—many will find themselves surprised when they actually collect more affable yeses than anticipated.
Several listeners tried this exercise, and their experiences, fraught with surprises, shifts in perspective, and remarkable growth, serve as powerful case studies on the dynamic nature of asking.
Now, let’s hear from four of our listeners who bravely shared their stories as they dove into this challenge. Their feedback is enlightening and may just inspire you to ask for what you want!
Cherie: “I coach and mentor student leaders in higher education. For this exercise, I boldly requested to speak at an event and sought guest speakers for my conference. Surprisingly, I didn’t hit my target of collecting nos because I found myself overwhelmed with yeses instead!”
Kumuthini: “I work at KPMG, focusing on leadership development. In my line of work, I’m used to helping others, so my requests often met kindness. However, I extended my search for nos into my personal life, even asking a local badminton group for an opportunity to join only to be told I couldn’t participate due to my gender—unbelievable!”
Felicity: “I’m an engineer and, to my surprise, I received a lot more yeses than I originally expected. I also noted that some responses that initially sounded positive turned out to be conditional ‘yeses’ that didn’t lead anywhere. It taught me to be more mindful of individual responses and the complexities of negotiations.”
Suzanne: “As an educational leader, I collaborate across various teams. My requests sometimes went as I hoped, yet I encountered confusing responses, like when I was told yes to a project leadership role only for the situation to flip to a no at the last moment. It shocked me and forced me to rethink our communications.”
Throughout these conversations, common themes emerged—patterns of asking and the revealing insights about how responses can vary significantly based on how and where we ask.
What’s remarkable, as our experiences showed, is that no matter the outcome of your request, each of these interactions can reshape perceptions, forge stronger relationships, and even improve your visibility. By simply advocating for yourself and using the right approach, you convey to others not only your desires but also your leadership capabilities.
As we wrap up today’s exploration, let’s remember—using warmth along with assertiveness is vital. This powerful duo can transform how we ask, how we receive responses, and how we ultimately perceive our own worth in the workplace.
So, what’s on your work wish list? Dive in, take a page from this playbook, and make those audacious asks. The results might just surprise you!
Thanks for joining us today. We’re signing off for now, but don’t forget to explore our past episodes and immerse yourself in powerful conversations about navigating our professional worlds. Until next time!